Intentional Dissonance

“Awe.
 
It’s a feeling he misses. He made lists of things he wanted to feel when he was younger, big things, small things, ice, snow, the sand at the beach, someone else’s hands holding his, feeling him feeling them, a feedback loop of feelings, which is what happens when two people make love. He wanted to feel things that made him feel safe and scared and things that ripped his heart out of his chest, things that made him want to go home and things that made him want to travel, things that made him proud and things that made him regret his choices and he, like all people, slowly ticked these things off the list in his head as he lived, as the world turned until soon, there were very few things left to feel.
He believed the last thing he would feel, would be nothing, as that was nearly impossible to feel unless you were dead or hadn’t been born yet. He wondered what it’d be like to not be able to wonder.”

– Intentional Dissonance
Dear You,

On the surface, Intentional Dissonance is dystopian science fiction book about Jon Salt, a young man obsessed with a drug called Sadness, which is the kind of drug you take if you live in a world that forces you to feel nothing. More than this, it’s a book I wrote about my own struggle with depression.

One of my greatest personal challenges has been to overcome a story I’ve told myself from an early age, that my depression is an important part of my identity and more importantly, my creativity. It’s a story I believe many creative people tell themselves – that their pain is an engine and the driving force behind what they make.

In hindsight, I wrote this book as a way to talk about that idea.

After the book was published, things got worse and in 2013, I stopped writing almost all together because I felt like if I wanted to write, I needed to be in pain and the two things became the same thing. So I stopped because I didn’t know who I was if I wasn’t a writer and some part of me knew that what I was doing wasn’t healthy.

A good friend that I later married, and today I have a beautiful daughter with her, convinced me to look for help and I started going to therapy and slowly but surely, I came back to me and I started to see things as I believe they really are.

If you are a creative person, and I believe that everyone is creative, then you should know this – your talent is not your pain. Your talent is your talent. We romance the idea of the tortured creative person because it’s intriguing but while sadness and depression can be productive emotions, I can honestly tell you that the most resonant, beautiful things I’ve ever written have come from a healthy place.

While the chronically depressed, obsessive poet hiding behind a mask might sound intriguing, and this does seem to be what can best be described as a marketing strategy by some of my contemporaries, it is not healthy space for the reader or the writer to stay in. If you art isn’t helping you move through what you’re feeling, then make different art.

Or at least, that’s my philosophy.

Intentional Dissonance is only 99c in December on Kindle (click here).

If you read it, let me know what you think. I hope you’re well and I send you my best.

– Iain S. Thomas

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I Wrote This For You, Wherever You Are

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We have some incredibly exciting news.

The I Wrote This For You books are now being published by Andrews McMeel, the same publisher as Rupi Kaur, Lang Leav, Amanda Lovelace and many, many more incredible poets. This means that I Wrote This For You, I Wrote This For You And Only You, I Wrote This For You: Just The Words and I Wrote This For You: 2007 – 2017 will all be available in more places across the globe. I have it on good authority that even here, on the tip of Africa where I live, stores have already ordered in excess of 2000 copies. That means that whether you’re in the Philippines, or England, or anywhere else, it should soon be easier than ever to find these books, for yourself or for a friend. I’d like to thank Kirsty, Allison, Holly and everyone else at Andrews McMeel for their hard work in putting this all together. You should also keep in mind that if you do manage to find an I Wrote This For You book with Central Avenue down the side, that’s about to become a collector’s item. Michelle and the team there helped us get to where we are today and I am forever thankful for her hard work and dedication.

I can’t wait for you to see the new books, thank you for reading and for being you,

Me.

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Click here to get on board, I’ll be showcasing some stuff from new books, stuff that never made it into my books, and everything that doesn’t fit anywhere else on the world wide web.

A Simple Fight

First I faced the giant

that keeps me in bed

and even though I spent the night

fighting to get to sleep

I fought him too

and I won.

 

Then I faced the feeling

that no matter what I wore

I wouldn’t like who I saw in the mirror

but I fought that feeling too

and I won.

 

Then I wrapped my fists up

because no matter where I go

I’ll feel like I don’t belong there

So I had to fight that too.

but I did and I won.

 

So when I get here

to the front of the line

and I can see you think

I looked tired

I need you to understand:

 

You do not know what I faced

before I faced you this morning.

 

And whatever happens after you,

I’ll beat that too.

 

Because I fight every single day.

 

And every single day, I have to win.